Best Hit and Run in the History of the Automobile

Rezazadeh, 617 lb Front Squat...for a Double

The Kid's Meal...12 Months Later

A woman in Colorado left an uncovered Happy Meal in her pantry for exactly one year.  It was so full of preservatives, that it looks almost the same 12 months later.  She also claimed that flies and other bugs completely avoided it.  Read the article here

Protein Shakes with Heavy Metals

The shake containing the highest levels of the 4 heavy metals tested?...Muscle Milk

view the results here

Klokov Snatching from Blocks

That's around 200 kg (440 lbs) being snatched from blocks!

Hey 1992...Thanks for "Sidekicks"

Evgeny Chigishev, +105kg, 2005 World Championship in Doha

Klokov needs to be More Intense

Marcin Dolega (Poland)

105 kg lifter snatching 202.5 kg, (the world record for his weight class is 200 kg)

The Pinnacle of Sport

Best kick to the face ever...

Second best kick to the face ever...

Best Body Slam Ever...

Impressive Clean & Jerk

1996 Olympics, 64 kg Showdown: Süleymanoğlu vs Leonidis

These guys only weigh 64 kg! (141 pounds)

2010 European Weightlifting Championship, +105Kg

UFC 116...Best Fight Card in the History of Organized MMA

If you missed UFC 116, you suck.

Chris Leben submits Akiyamo, after beating Aaron Simpson 14 days prior to ufc 116, during the Ultimate Fighter Finale.  Leben was at one point unconscious on his feet, before snapping out of it, to pummel Akiyama.  He eventually triangled Akiytama in the closing seconds of round 3 in what will most likely be remembered as the best fight Mike has ever seen.

The Stephan Bonnar fight.  Every time Bonnar fights, it's like watching the guy from "The Pursuit of Happiness" search for a job.

Lesnar v Carwin.  Wow.  Best heavyweight fight in...maybe ever.  I'm a converted Lesnar fan.  For the first time in his career, we saw Lesnar out-powered, as Carwin dominated Lesnar in the first round.  It looked as if the ref was going to stop the fight in the first round as Carwin sat on top of Lesnar and landed hard punch after hard punch to the skull.  But Lesnar took the beating, regrouped between rounds, and came out smiling in the second.  He took Carwin to the ground, mounted him, and just as it appeared it was going to be Lesnar hammer fist to the face time, Lesnar sunk in an arm triangle choke, jumped into side control and submitted Carwin.  It was incredible.

Vintage Footage of Bulgarians Getting it Done

Well...This is a Different Post

First some J.S.B.

Then some Van Gogh

A Real Workout

As many rounds as possible in 15 minutes:
3 back squats, 225 lbs.
3 towel pull-ups
10 push-ups

My record as of yesterday is 15 rounds.

Hey Children

You probably haven't tried my standing long jump/400 meter workout.  It's understandable, you're frail and scared.  But I implore you, it is the first step towards manhood.  I usually warm-up with some jump rope, some stretching to open up my hips, a slow 800 meter jog, and a few long jumps.  Then I dive right in.  I rest as much as necessary between rounds in order to bring my heart rate back from the point of cardiac arrest.  If you're looking for a way to increase your VO2 max, push your lactate threshold, increase your anaerobic capacity, speed up your metabolism, increase your aerobic stamina, and become even more of a badass, then stop being so fat and lazy and get to it.

You should know this workout will probably kill or severely injury you because you are weak and pathetic, so start with 2 rounds at a manageable pace, and work your way up to 4 rounds as fast as you can.  How fast is that?  After each round my heart feels like it is going to explode and I am on the borderline of passing out.  Fight the urge to lay down between rounds...why?...because you're better than that.  Fit this long jump/400m ass kicker into your workout schedule every 3 or 4 weeks.  I usually do it in between 2 heavy lifting days, to break things up.  In case you're too lazy to check the link above to the old post, here's the workout:

4 rounds*
10 standing long jumps as far and fast as possible**
run 400 meters as fast as possible
record your fastest round

*Rest as much as needed between rounds
**no rest between jumps and run

Evgeny Chigishev

This is Evgeny Chigishev (Russian) snatching 211kg. That's approximately 464 pounds. The world record is 468 pounds (213 kg), set by Hossein Rezazadeh (a fat blob) who outweighs Evgeny Chigishev by 88 pounds.

Here is Evgeny Chigishev clean and jerking 543 pounds (247kg).  Keep in mind that Shane Hamman's North American record in the clean and jerk is 523 pounds, and Shane Hamman is a fat blob like Hossein Rezazadeh

Rampage Slams Arona

When I originally saw this, I thought Ricardo Arona was dead.

The Burpee/Thruster Challenge

The goal is to do as many thrusters in 10 minutes as possible.

At the top of each minute you have to do 5 burpees.  So, the clock starts, you do 5 burpees, then as many thrusters as you can until the clock hits 1:00 min, then drop for 5 burpees, start doing thrusters until 2:00min, etc, until the clock reaches 10:00 min (don't do any burpees at 10:00 mark, you're done and your total burpees = 50).  I used 135 lbs, and got 40 thrusters.  If you're a woman or a weak boy, try it with 95 lbs...if you're geriatric, try it with 45 lbs.  It sounds easy.  Feel free to vomit as necessary.

What's a burpee?

What's a thruster?

Sex and the City 2

...I watched "Sex and the City 2" with my wife last night...which was opening night...

I'd like to believe that the pint of Jim Beam I smuggled into the theater made the experience slightly less gay, but when Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda started singing "I am Woman," I knew even a horse dose of testosterone injected directly into my heart, would not stop my estrogen levels from rising.  It was surreal...and that's all I can really say about the experience...

Shane Hamman

American Olympic Weightlifting record holder, powerlifter, total badass.  


This guy weighs 360 pounds and yet has a vertical leap of 36 inches, he can also do a standing back flip.  He's 5'9" and can dunk a basketball...He weighs 360 pounds!!!  How far can he drive a golf ball?.  350 yards.  

His American clean and jerk record? 523 pounds at the 2004 Olympics. What about his squat record?  1,006.5 pounds.  Here's a video of him causally squatting 957 pounds (435 kg).

Mike's Approved Nutrition Plan for Lifting Big Weights Over Your Head

Meat, lots of it.
     Any kind of moderately lean meat, a little fat is ok.  Try to eat a lot of fish.

Eggs, lots of them

     In the morning as a meal and hardboiled as a snack throughout the day.

Milk 2%, 1 quart a day

     One pint in the morning, and one pint after you workout.  It's nature's protein shake.  You can use Hershey syrup Lite, to change it up.  If you're lactose intolerant, eat more eggs in lieu of milk. 

A handful of nuts as a snack between meals

     Or a spoonful of peanut butter.

Lots of vegetables with lots of Fiber, 

     Your gonna need fiber because of all the milk drinking.

Experiment around with your daily total caloric intake.  When trying to gain weight/size/strength, I try to gain 1 pound per week.  If you gain 2 pounds in 1 week, reduce your daily caloric intake by 500 calories.  If you stay at the same weight after a week, increase your daily caloric intake by 500 calories a day.  I've found this system to be effective, assuming you are lifting hard 4-5 day per week.  

This Boy Sized Man is Stronger than You

Let me put this lift in perspective for you.  This guy weighs 123 pounds and he's clean and jerking 374 pounds. He's lifting more than 3 times his bodyweight from the floor to over his head, which makes him ten times the man you will ever be...but he only weighs 123 pounds, so you are probably close to twice the man he'll ever be.

No Gym? No Equipment? No Problem

Recently I've been experimenting with some odd workout methods, like holding your breath for 20 seconds, then running 100 meters at a full sprint.  But you're not as amazing as me, so try this instead:

Do ten standing long jumps and then run 400 meters (1/4 mile) as fast as you can, without taking any break between the long jumps and the 400 meter run.  Repeat 3 more time for a total of 4 rounds.  Take 1-3 minutes rest between rounds.

No Olympic track?  Go to Google maps, get directions, change your options from driving to walking, and change your measure of distance from miles to kilometers, then map out 400 meters.

A Large Piece of Humble Pie...Mike is a Crossfitter...World is Stunned

So, I've been known to talk a lot of shit about the cult of crossfit.  In a weak moment I gave into the pressure and tried one of the crossfit workouts, "Fran," and I've been a crossfitter ever since.

Fran consists of super-setting 95 lb. barbell thrusters and pull-ups (I did dead hang pull-ups, not kipping pull-ups).  You do 21 of each, then 15 of each, then 9 of each.  Do it as fast as you can.  Simple enough?  So I thought, until I finished it ten minutes later and almost puked.  I had to go outside and sit on a bench in front of my gym to keep from passing out.  Since then, I've tried a variety of crossfit WOD's (workout of the day) and most leave me feeling the same way, destroyed.

My biggest complaint about crossfit (before I actually tried it) was its seemingly random programming.  I felt that without some kind of structured approach to weight training, it would be hard to get progressively stronger.  After reading "A Theoretical Template for CrossFit’s Programming," (pdf) written by the founder of crossfit, I came to appreciate the brilliance of the methodology.  At its core, crossfit is a blend of Olympic weightlifting, power lifting, gymnastics, throwing, sprinting, and metabolic conditioning (running, biking, rowing, etc.) all done at a very intense pace.  I've found the workouts to be great at increasing my anaerobic work capacity, power, and strength endurance.

I even subscribed to the Crossfit Journal now, which is an online magazine with videos and articles from some of the best coaches in the world when it comes to Olympic weightlifting, powerlifting, running, etc.  I've really liked the variety that crossfit has provided, and the workouts, while intense, are brief and rarely boring, when compared to a normal body building split. I think it's great as a stand alone program, or you could always add a few crossfit days to your normal workout routine.  So, if you think you're in great shape, go to the crossfit main site and try a few WOD's.  I did, and it was a humbling experience.

Disclaimer:  I should note that there is a very real possibility that crossfit will kill you (seriously).  It is deceptively easy looking on paper but is incredibly difficult in execution, so consult your gynecologist before you try it.

The Friday Dose of Culture, "Total Recall," the Musical

Special thanks to Brooks

If You Wear a Weight Belt...You Suck, Unless You're this Guy

Who Likes Brazil Nuts?

Nobody

The Reason I gave up Triathlons

Joy Division

Best Commercial Ever

"A bouncer in Birmingham hit me in the face with a crescent wrench five times...and my wife’s boyfriend broke my jaw with a fence post, so if you don’t buy a trailer from me…it ain’t gonna hurt my feelings."

Clash of the Titans

If you didn't like this movie, then you probably were never a fan of the original, and so you suck.

UFC 112: ???

I can't believe I was tricked into buying another pay per view fight after UFC 109, "the Geezers at Caesar's," was such a let down.  After watching UFC 112 last Saturday, I can unequivocally state, that it was the worst UFC in history.  Hands down.  Not debatable.  

Whenever the president of the UFC holds a press conference to explain how much of an embarrassment he thought the main event was, you know you just got robbed.  I don't really want to describe the fights in depth, because enough of my life has already been stolen, so to summarize:

1. Boring.  Renzo Gracie got predictably beat up by Matt Hughes.  Furthering showing the weaknesses of one dimensional jiu jitsu fighters all over the world.  

2. More Boring.  Frankie Edgar out boxed Bj Penn and was awarded the lightweight title for his effort.  Hey Bj, when someone is a faster, better boxer than you, don't box with them.  

3. Things Get Weird.  Anderson Silva beat up, and I mean really destroyed Damian Maia for the first two and a half rounds in the main event.  Silva was showboating to an extent that has yet to be witnessed in any sport.  It appeared he could knock out Maia at will, but was opting to punish him instead.  Then for whatever reason, halfway through the third round, Silva just shut down.  He stopped taunting, he stopped showboating, he stopped attacking.  It was unclear if Silva didn't finish him, because he was upset with the lack of a challenge that Maia presented, or if he really gassed out, or if he simply became disinterested.  It was the most bizarre fight I've ever seen.  I think the appropriate gaming commission needs to investigate the fight, which should have ended in a knockout, but for whatever reason, Silva made it very clear he was not going to let that happen.

Things that Make You a Terrible Person

1. You are an old woman...and you drive a car.

2. You pay for groceries with a personal check.

3. You wear weightlifting gloves for any reason.

4. You have earlobe plugs

5. You have under the skin piercings

6. You wear affliction shirts

7. You wear Ed Hardy anything

8. You are Christian Audigier

7. You are a man, and you wear any form of necklace...

                  ...unless you're Rampage...then it's alright

Ricky Bruch...Swedish Discus Thrower...Vitamin Enthusiast...Probable Serial Killer

During the 14 months of filming from the clip below, Ricky Bruch consumed 135,000 vitamins.  Around 3:00 into the video, you can see him shooting up, with what are most likely anabolic steroids, and then losing his shit all over the gym.  Bottom line, Ricky Bruch will kill you.

Mike Tyson is a Tremendous Asshole...but He's also the Scariest Puncher that Ever Lived

Laces Are for the Weak...Real Men Only Use Them to Strangle People in Prison

The Rope Pulling Machine

I would like to take a moment to formally rescind my negative comments concerning the rope pulling machine.  The following is true:

1.  The rope pulling machine has a new place in my heart.

2.  My gym, aside from it's propensity to buy useless machinery, seems to have done something right.

3.  Hey gym, even a broken clock is right twice a day, so get over yourself.

Oh! The Places You'll Go!

"Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!"
-Dr Seuss

Rip Torn

Derek Poundstone

He Sleeps the Sleep of the Just

What Can You Do if You Get Pinned While Squatting...Call Your Mom

Things That Suck About My Gym

1 . The crotchety old women that nap on the gym floor, and scowl in the direction of any noise above a whisper.

2. a. People that train like this:

2. b.  and like this:

3. The excessive amounts of useless machinery.

And the squat rack curlers, and the lame arm tattoo's, and the weightlifting gloves, etc...

James Toney Joins the UFC...James Toney Promptly Dies in the UFC

Napoleon

Our new French Bulldog, Napoleon, and his stuffed Squirrel.

2012, the Movie: Straight to DVD...by Way of Major City Theater Release

Have you seen 2012?...Don't

The Turks 1, Tsunami 0

After we spent the week in Hawaii on our Honeymoon, I have come to the following conclusions:

1.  Hawaii is a third world country and should secede from the Union.  Outside of the tourist areas, buildings are run down, the large condos look like something cut and pasted from Rwanda, the state color is rust, the roads and highways look like a Bosnian war zone, and everything is appropriately covered in graffiti. 

2.  All Hawaiians are fat, lazy, assholes.  The fact that Pidgin English is considered an unofficial language of Hawaii is retarded.  It's as if all the locals dropped out of elementary school so they could home school themselves in the tenets of "tourist hating," which makes sense because their entire pathetic economy is based on tourism. 

3.  Tsunami's are bullshit.  If you're not a local, no one cares whether you live or die.  When we asked where to go to avoid drowning in the tsunami, officials at the airport explained: "uh...I dun know bra...maybe you take a bus..."  Our hotel, which was 5 feet from the ocean, suggested we just stay above the fifth floor to avoid the Tsunami.  Really?  Let's load the top of the building with a bunch of extra weight, and then hope the first wave doesn't undermine the foundation of the building before debris can be smashed into the rear of the building as the wave retreats.  Keep in mind that if the first wave damaged the building to an extent that it needed to be evacuated, you would be killed by the second or third wave as you made a run for the mountain.

4.  If a natural disaster is imminent, your only hope is to rent an aptly named Ford "Escape"