UFC 109...What a Joke

For the first time in my life, I purchased a pay-per-view UFC tournament, and what a pile of crap it was.  I wanted to see the Coleman & Couture fight.  Dubbed, "The Geezers at Caesar's" even though it was held at the Mandalay Bay.  How was it?  It was sad...really, really sad.

Coleman v Couture

After Round 1 was a one sided beating delivered by Couture, Coleman looked like he needed hospice care.  Mercifully, he was choked out in round 2 after Couture grew tired of punching him in the face.  After getting savagely beaten and then choked unconscious, Coleman treated the crowd to an exchange with Tito Ortiz, who had been heckling him ringside, "Any f*%$ing time Tito!"  Uh, didn't you just get publicly humiliated by a forty six year old?  Go drink some Ensure back at the convalescent home, and then take $44.95 out of the loser's purse and mail me a check.  But as lame as that fight was, it was nothing compared to the Rolles Gracie fight.


Gracie v Beltran

I've seen a lot of terrible fights, and I've seen a lot of poor performances in the UFC and Pride, but I have never seen a fighter as poorly trained as Rolles Gracie.  All the pre-fight hype about carrying on the Gracie legacy is laughable.  He punched like a girl (literally, his punches looked like a right handed thrower, trying to toss a baseball with their left hand), he left his hands down, he was slow in every way possible, then he let Beltran punch him in the face for awhile, fumbled at a few slow takedowns, and then gassed out 91 seconds into round 2 and just laid face down on the ground.  Thankfully, he was punched into submission by Beltran "the mexi-cutioner," who wasn't exactly an Olympic athlete either.  Who is Beltran?......exactly.  If I was Rolles, I would have explained at the post fight interview that my poor performance was due to an AIDS flare-up. Supposedly, Rolles is a second degree black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, but I'd be willing to wager that my grandmother could kick his ass.  Rolles, you are Gracie, you're not suppose to be such an embarrassment.  You are definitely not awesome.

Which leads me to reveal the new winning strategy for MMA: get freaky strong on steroids, learn to punch like a man, make sure you can wrestle, and don't forget to get freaky strong on steroids.  Ladies and Gentleman, the future of MMA:

Mariusz Pudzianowski, 

5 time world's strongest man

MMA Record 1-0, 

He submitted his first opponent...by punching him repeatedly in the face

Awesome